Chitika

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Some Good Assistance When You Have Brand New Stepchildren

By Grant Victor Xavier


It is important for all step parents to know that they must proceed with caution in their new role as a step parent in their new family. Many times these children have lost a parent through an accident or a separation of their parents. No matter what the circumstances, raising step children is a situation that takes patience and adaptability.

You need to stress to your new stepchildren that in no way are you going to try to replace their bio parent. If your stepchildren aren't old enough to even consider this issue, then it can be put aside for the moment. Keep in mind also, that your stepchildren will not be impressed if you immediately start to treat them like they were your own kids. It's imperative that your stepchildren understand your role as the spouse of their mother or father and the fact that you must support your new spouse when dealing with the kids when discipline is necessary. However, this doesn't mean that you and your stepchildren can't be friends. You'll have to find the right balance between being a friend and an authority figure in their lives, which can take a little time to figure out.

It often takes a great deal of patience to be a step parent. It takes a while for a stepchild to accept a new parent figure into their life; so don't look for immediate rapport with the child. You have to empathize with the child, as they will most likely miss their bio parent, whether they lost him or her through divorce or death. It's very common for a stepchild to resent the new "intruder" into their life. It's important to continue to patiently advance your efforts to bond with the child, but you have to be careful not to be too aggressive. If you make it clear that you're available to help them out but that you're not trying to replace their original parent, they'll gradually open up to you.

When you're a step parent, the role of the original biological parent can be a sensitive issue. This is even the case if the original parent has died. He or she will still have a place in your stepchild's heart. In the case of a separation or divorce, when your new partner may have conflicting feelings about the biological parent, this can be tricky. It's not your place to state an opinion about a natural parent who mistreated the kids. You should stay neutral on the subject or even be a little positive if you must say something. Whatever part the biological parent played in the lives of your stepchildren, you have to respect the kids right to keep their own version of their memories.

As a step parent, it would be ideal for the stepchildren to accept you from day one, something that traditionally does not occur. You need to realize that quite a bit of time must go by before the step children will begin to accept you and your new family will become balanced and fun. It is important to know that you will not be able to manipulate your relationship with these children, and that with patience and love, you will be accepted.

If you genuinely wish to make sure you have a very good relationship with all the members of your family, then it's important to take holidays together. Going on a getaway can do miracles for any family member, as it gives you so much quality time and energy to appreciate some actions together. Begin planning your next family holiday today.




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